This article was written by the former chair of our Youth Advisory Board, Sarah Hinstorff, with contributions by Youth Advisory Board thành viên Justin Robinson.
When, Where, and How đồ sộ Have Important Conversations With Parents
Important conversations can be difficult — that difficulty often reflects their importance. It’s hard đồ sộ bring up topics lượt thích getting in trouble at school, asking for more independence, or talking about relationships, but it’s important đồ sộ talk about these kinds of issues with your parents. When, where, and how you have these conversations can make all the difference.
Many conversations that will have a big impact on your life may feel lượt thích a one-way street. But there are approaches đồ sộ tackling tough topics that can make a big difference in the conversation outcome and on your relationships. Think about the communication strategies offered here and work towards having two-way conversations when you talk about tough subjects.
Have a Strategy for Time and Place
Thoughtfully pick the time and place đồ sộ bring up tricky subjects. Think about the times when you and your parents or guardians will already be together but neither of you will feel put on the spot. Think about the times of the day when everyone has the most energy and might be most willing đồ sộ talk.
Having something đồ sộ bởi with your hands can relieve some of the pressure. For instance, you could shuffle cards, fold laundry, or even squeeze a stress ball. Also, make sure that you bring up hard subjects in private. You don’t need (or want) an audience đồ sộ contribute đồ sộ what could become a heated discussion.
Think it Through Before Starting the Talk
Your parents will respond best đồ sộ well thought-out ideas. When you are emotional, it’s easy đồ sộ forget what you want đồ sộ say. Consider writing down the main points you want đồ sộ get across before talking. Remember đồ sộ explain why you are upset. Propose a reasonable solution. Don’t just suggest a rule is unfair or complain that everyone else is doing something you’re not allowed đồ sộ bởi. Plan ahead, think through your points, and explain why you think and feel a certain way.
When you are emotional, it’s easy đồ sộ forget what you want đồ sộ say. Consider writing down the main points you want đồ sộ get across before the conversation.
Read the Room
Look around before talking and take in the mood of the room. If roles were reversed, when would you be most open đồ sộ receiving criticism or hearing about others’ personal problems? Think about how you feel when your parents bombard you with questions when you’ve just come home page from school. Consider how the same feeling could arise in your parents. Don’t forget đồ sộ take into consideration the bigger picture of what’s going on in your parents’ lives at the time.
Look at Things From Parents’ Point of View
Sometimes it may seem lượt thích your parents are telling you what đồ sộ bởi or how đồ sộ behave, instead of opening up a discussion and listening đồ sộ your opinions. Understand that your parents are adjusting đồ sộ your growing independence as well. And remember it is your parent’s job đồ sộ keep you safe and đồ sộ prepare you đồ sộ be successful. When you understand where your parents are coming from, they are more likely đồ sộ return the same kind of understanding and respect.
Have Realistic Expectations
During important conversations, make sure đồ sộ establish reasonable and realistic expectations of what you hope đồ sộ get out of it. When you talk about a difficult topic, know that everything may not go your way. Try đồ sộ avoid reacting emotionally. Miscommunications often stem from one person not taking the time đồ sộ really hear what the other person is saying. Stay calm and listen. Be prepared đồ sộ admit you’re wrong or have made a mistake.
Here are some brief reminders đồ sộ review before diving into an important conversation.
Communication Reminders
- Establish a good time đồ sộ have the conversation before you begin the talk. Avoid times where either you or your parents are highly stressed or preoccupied. You may want đồ sộ take this one step further and actually schedule regular conversation times and locations ví no one is caught off guard. It helps if these kinds of talks become commonplace.
- Spend just as much time listening as talking. Try đồ sộ split the conversation focus between yourself and your parent — it will allow you both đồ sộ get your points across and may help you both avoid getting defensive.
- Remain calm. If you can’t remain calm during the conversation, wait đồ sộ have it until you can. If you find yourself unable đồ sộ control your anger during the conversation, step away. You could say, “I need a few minutes đồ sộ calm down. Can we talk later?”
- Pick a neutral place đồ sộ talk. Never have important conversations in front of friends or in public. Consider talking in the siêu xe or on a walk.
- Plan ahead. Write out or think through what you want đồ sộ say. Have realistic expectations.
- Stay focused on the present issue. Bringing up the past almost always backfires because it makes people feel more defensive and less productive. You can’t fix the past, but you can work on a current problem.
We hope these tips will help you out when it’s time đồ sộ have hard conversations with your parents. Feel không tính phí đồ sộ pass these tips along đồ sộ others who may be struggling.
Thoughts from Members of the Youth Advisory Board
Justin, 16
“When I tried đồ sộ engage in an important conversation with my mother, nothing would ever go right. When we tried đồ sộ engage in an important conversation during the school week, I would be agitated from my workload, ví it probably wasn’t the best time. The conversation would either kết thúc with u thinking that her expectations may have been too high, or I would never really take out the time đồ sộ listen because I was ví tense.
So then, we tried something different. We would drive in a siêu xe, or take a relaxing walk in the neighborhood. We would observe what was happening around, whether that involved looking at nature or talking about what was happening in the world currently. We would then talk about what was happening in our lives which would later evolve into an important conversation with a calm environment.”